Soshite chichi ni naru そして父になる [movie]

What's wrong with this picture...

I have to review this movie for an assignment in my Japanese class so I thought seeing as that's my thing, that's what I do, I should do it here first to collect my thoughts before I try to write a rant in Japanese. I wont be translating this, I don't write in English and translate into Japanese for my assignments because that's a really bad way to write, I just write straight into Japanese. I just want to get some of my more ranty thoughts down here first before I write my actual piece because I have some thoughts that I might want to omit from that... like all my anger and frustration. 

Let me outline the premise before I completely lose my shit.

Two families are told that the 6 year old sons they have raised are not biologically theirs; switched at birth by a negligent hospital. Although the mothers have bonded with their sons it is clear that the father of one has not. He is the head of an affluent household, pushing his son to be more than he is capable, never feeling his son lives up to his name, and on hearing the news from the hospital, he understands the situation as making sense; of course this boy is not his real son after all. The other family is less well off, with a fun and down to earth father at the helm. Although this father seems concerned with a payoff from the hospital rather than switching the children back, the discussion ultimately begins.

This movie brought up a lot of issues, it deals with a subject that is not going to be easy from the outset, but I was a little angry with people's reactions in other reviews, and just weirded out by the way no one commented on the things that I noticed above anything else. 

I spoke at length with Cami-chan about this, and we came to the conclusion that people take movies a little at face value and don't internalise them the way I do, or they at least suspend reality a bit, which would be completely fair enough if that were the case. But if fans of movies can get so intense about the things they think of as wrong with the physics of super hero movies and the lack of realism in romantic comedies, then why the hell did reviewers not pick up on the one sided portrayal of family bonding in this movie?

Well, that's just it. I think that the film makers were obviously showing this from one family member's side, and it really only focused on his lack of bond, and didn't really explore from another angle. But I felt like that was so cold and ridiculous in a way. Now, I know that they probably think this issue, in a sense, would be much more likely in Japan, where the bonds of blood are traditionally so important, but also they have a very understanding view of adoption, where its much more commonplace there than in the western world and the family register is just a document you can be signed onto. So what the fuck? I understand the context but you wouldn't give up a child you have spent 6 years with. You just wouldn't. The mothers in this movie wouldn't. If it was a real context. Why did no reviewers pick up on this? There was no realistic struggle to keep the child they bonded with. I cant reconcile these issues. 

I can see how audiences might believe the minor torment the mothers seemed to have in giving up their children (not much at all in comparative terms to reality but whatever) but I can't understand why reviewers in western countries let this just go, especially when they had no context for Japanese culture... I mean, is that it? Japan is so 'other' that they think they would be so traditional that they could give up their children of 6 years? Guess so. I just cant believe people would do it so easily. I don't believe Japanese people are 'so' traditional that they would see things so callously and their doctors would not comment on the mental health of the children. 

And yes, I think the movie's portrayal was easy compared to how I would see it happen in reality. The doctors mention nothing of the child's mental health in terms of the damage it would do to give him up after 6 years of bonding, they merely say they should do it sooner rather than later... but it is way too late!! 6 years is way too late! I mean, do doctors in Japan no nothing about human development and psychology? Of course not. They would know that the effects of giving up a child after 6 years and throwing him into another family would have devastating effects on his mental health. Irreparable. I don't find this realistic at all. Do I give them more credit than they deserve..?

Because what is even more bonkers, is that this actually happens in real life. And even with once switched at birth grown adults, they discuss whether they should switch back. With adults?? Why are you even discussing this? You live your whole life with those people as your children, as after 30 years or so you 'decide' not to switch back when you find out they aren't biologically yours... Are you crazy? Are you actually fucking crazy? I can't even slightly understand this. They are yours, and have been all that time. There is no decision not to switch, you are just a family already. Shut the f*ck up.

Yeah this pisses me off. This really really pisses me off. Its mostly that the doctors were not portrayed as caring for the children in a medical way at all, and the mothers did not fight to keep the children they have loved for 6 years. I understand we would see it as the film showed, if we just look through the  one father's eyes, but we don't. We see all the other characters, and don't see them struggle with this. I'm sorry, but what we see of the sad mothers is not a struggle. They don't fight this. This would have broken up my marriage; if my husband wanted to give away my child. Look at it black and white, that is what is happening here. 

What about the other family? They didn't just refuse. Why?

The more I think about it the more annoyed I get. 

This concept is nonsensical to me. Absolutely stupid. 

This movie won so many awards, as movies that tackle difficult subjects often do. I no longer hold award winning movies in high regard on that basis alone, if I ever did before, I always watch before I judge, because things like this happen. I will rewatch it again today, and see if I pick up on anything else that eases my distress, but I really just hate it more and more the more I think about it.

Such a great cast, the two women from Saikou no Rikon who I adore more with every subsequent drama of theirs I watch; Ono Machiko and Maki Yoko, and the two fathers played by Fukuyama Masaharu (Galileo) and Lily Franky. The kids are also great; Ninomiya Keita and Hwang Shogen both had very difficult roles to convey but did so perfectly. 

The scene where the boy from the other family apologises for wanting to go home to his parents... says it all. He loves them, and has to say sorry for that. What a terrible thing to do to a child, to make him feel sorry for loving his parents. I mean what the hell are you doing to those children??

I just don't know what the hell to think. I have in the back of my head a voice that tries to say  'but in a situation for real you never know how you will feel' but then I realise that its only saying what I think its supposed to be saying. Its not really the voice of reason at all. The voice of reason says 'you'd have loved your child, and would have done for 6 years, you wouldn't you even consider it.'

Maybe because I didn't watch this alone, but in a room full of people, I didn't absorb it the way I usually would have, and missed some important emotional journey. But I don't think so. I was fighting back tears all the same, no matter how many people there were in that room I was still intently watching that movie expecting to see, at anytime, one of the characters stand up and say 'no way am I giving up my child!' and that be it.

I think in a way this film serves to tell us, look what will happen. Even if you try to give up your child you will never get over it and it will never be ok. So learn from this, and realise your bond is what you created over time, not by the accident of birth.

You don't choose your family. That is the phrase isn't it? That isn't because of the blood tie though. Its simply that you don't choose who others turn out to be as people. Your bond is there, and you grow with them, no matter what. The thing you actively choose is whether to support them or throw them out like trash. If your child turns out to be gay, or suffer from a crippling neurotic disorder, or is just a bit academically stupid, you cant have an opinion about whether that is preferable or not. You are not your child, you just love them. That's your only job; to love and protect, care for and raise your child, whoever the hell that is. If you spent 6 years doing your job properly, then you wouldn't care whose womb they came from, or what person they're going to become, as long as they are safe and happy. 

I guess the whole focal point of this movie is that the father didn't do that job well, therefore he didn't care. That is the real issue they want to discuss, so I understand not focusing on any part of the issue I'm raising, but for no-one else to notice this and comment on it, leaves me a bit disappointed in humans yet again.

Unfortunately that is all I've taken away from this film.

~