8uppers パッチアッパーズ [movie]

This review is just an excuse to ureshii squee about shibutani Subaru.

Ok, so its shibutani squee for the duration.

This movie features all 7 members of Kansai band 関ジャニ∞ [Kanjani8] so the cast list is nice and rainbow like. It is a film you can enjoy even if you don’t know who Kanjani are [but if that is the case, maybe go watch them on youtube – it may enrich your life. Or ruin it. One way or the other.]

If you do know Kanjani then not only will you love the film but also like the little Eito Rangers touches included in the movie like each character having their suit pocket  handkerchief in their appropriate ranger colours.

 Kanjani cast:

Yokoyama Yu – Mac

Murakami Shingo – Jacky

Shibutani Subaru – Arsenal

Maruyama Ryuhei – Gum

Nishikido Ryo – Ace

Okura Tadayoshi – Jonny

Yasuda Shota – Toppo

I don’t think there really is any way not to like 8uppers. Its pretty cheesy – well actually its stupidly cheesy – but its also well acted, nicely shot (with all the relevant reservoir dogs rip off stylized stuff you need in films that have suits and guns), has some brilliantly choreographed fight scenes, the cutest little baby, and of course lots of squeaky Kansai accented whinge-bag complaining about everything possible finishing every sentence with a moaning ‘aa mou!’ naturally comical dialogue.

It is not a film to watch without subs. It is all in Kansai, obviously, and they speak so bloody fast without opening their mouths much - it is impossible to follow.

The premise of 8uppers is a simple one. The group of guys played by Kanjani are ‘cleaners’ (hitmen used to wipe out corrupt people) who had banded together years ago and all have the less than wholesome history of having grown up in orphanages.

A baby is left with the group with a note asking them to protect him and they quickly learn that someone has hired hitmen to track down and kill the child. Being a group of hitmen themselves, taking care of a baby while on their own dodgy jobs proves to be a bit of a challenge – resulting in having to bring the child along while they storm into places and beat up the bad guys.

The group quickly form a bond with the baby (whom they name Eito) and the film is centred on them searching for his mother and fighting off those who would hurt him.

Kanjani being the general d8cks that they are (and yes I’m using an 8 instead of * for my swearing today) make this film fantastic fun to watch.


Now that I’ve outlined the plot I guess I can just get on with my Shibutani squee session.

Now, the highlight of this movie for most people is watching Roro walk around half dressed smirking and smoking throughout – not a chore to see I grant you, but they all really were awesome so do try to take notice of the others if you can.

Roro and Shibutani basically look like they had just got out of bed for the entire film. Even when suited up and ready to fight they still look like they fell out of the wardrobe and just happened to have their limbs appropriately tangled up in the arms and legs their clothes. Scruffy Subaru – I’m really not complaining in the slightest – that gets the biggest Shibutani squee out of me for the whole thing.

Yasu actually looked kind of tame compared to his usual garb – mostly due to the fact he was supposed to look all gangster-like dressed up neatly when they went out fighting. I guess they had to force him into his suit while he was screaming for more abstract colours to add to the black on black and then he just used his own mental wardrobe for the bits where he could dress down again. I like that Yasu’s version of dressing down is every colour he can think of and chuck a few more in that no-one has even heard of before.

Maru, Hina and Okura have no real surprises in their clothing for me but god, everytime Yoko came on I had to give a little squeal of laughter – that guy’s jumpers… how he still manages to look cool when he also looks like a total spanner - I don’t know. Yasu has the geek chic thing going on as usual but Yoko just has me in fits. He’s not even trying. Love his sh8t clothes.

Ok, so Maru has some really good fight scenes. He also takes responsibility for much of the humour in 8uppers. What is with his obsession with milk? Hina couldn’t squeak anymore – at times I swear only dogs could hear him whinging. I love his voice. Especially when he argues with Yasu – its like listening to kids bickering.

Okura had the mother role, Jonny was the first to suggest they take on the job of looking after the baby and he was the last in line to even think about giving him back. They utilize his pretty face to get information from women and that seems to be his job in the group - but my favourite scene with him is when he and Toppo are choosing clothes for the baby. The two of them riffle through the selection in the store so earnestly (which is adorable in itself) while Arsenal looks like he is going to die.

This brings me to my epic Shibutani squee. Arsenal is the cool guy with the guns and the jaded outlook on life. He has a close long term friendship with Ace and they look out for each other – often just Arsenal having to jump in to save Ace when he’s being reckless. They have a natural banter where Ace’s smirk is pretty much Arsenal’s shadow, they are always ready to steal each other’s cigarettes, and tease the other when they are grumpy or make mistakes.

If it wasn’t enough that Shibutani gets to bugger about in a suit with guns and smoke and frown and look complicatedly world-weary and be bad ass and scruffy and tie his hair back when he’s fighting oh god I need to stop I’m getting out of breath. Anyway if it wasn’t enough that he gets to make all the best sarcastic looks and remarks, he gets to be responsible for some really funny moments in the movie.

The funniest scene over all has to come from Roro though. While the Jonny and Toppo are destroying Arsenal with shopping, and Gum, Jacky and Mac are looking at prams, Ace is sat on the floor in another part of the store, eating carrot sticks becoming increasingly surrounded by toddlers just staring him out.

There is something about Roro and kids that just breeds natural comical behaviour and this scene in 8uppers shows it off, especially when it gets to the point where one of the kids is battering him repeatedly on the head with some sh8t toy thing and he just sits there eating his carrot sticks. His smirks and playful side are what I like to see most from Roro.

Last friends and Orthros sh8t me up too much and now I really just want to see him mucking about with cakes and kids. And for all the frowning purposes we have Shibutani so Roro has the opportunity to not be the grumpy otter this time round.

Shibutani's 'unimpressed' face should have its own dramawiki page.  

So aside from massively キャーing (it’s a verb now) every time Arsenal is on screen and wondering if he really would actually fit in my coat pocket, I did think that the film itself was good anyway.

Watching 8uppers again last week is what we have to thank for inspiring our four hour long discussion yesterday that if Kanjani had super powers what would each of theirs be. The best bit about that is that in those four hours we only worked out 4 members, that is like one an hour. Our rant on msn about this is almost worth posting up on my scrapbook blog but I don’t want to be sectioned.

What is also great about that is we spent a substantial amount of time yesterday working out who gets to keep Subaru in our magical world where we own Kanjani. You wouldn’t think we were nearly 30 would you. Disgraceful. I know that Ruku-chan adores Roro though so her weak spot in any jonnys member barter session is easy. (and throwing Koyama at me in this particular instance is not fair play either you little minx – different band, damn you.) The whole conversation ended up somehow with me needing a babysitter for Akanishi… (spirally spiralling out of control twirling twirling brain dribbling out of ear now…)

Ok, this has f8ck all to do with the movie doesn’t it. Well there should be enough screen shots here to keep you going, and to explain stuff that I’ve forgotten while I was too busy Shibutani squeeing or ranting about Roro. Lots of nice alliteration today.

I should mention that Kanjani do the sound track – if that wasn’t obvious. It is a whole album so it is worth getting if you like them.

Really what else is there to do but paste in a load of Kanjani clips that have nothing to do with this movie other than the fact that it features the same bunch of d8ckheads that you will see below prancing around like some geeky high school cospay nightmare. Kanjani rock, and if anyone tells you otherwise they will be punished by the god of all rediculous Japanese things. 

eito rangers

naniwa iroha bushi

ワッハッハー

bj

suka

~  

It is a mission getting hold of a subbed version of this movie so if you’re looking for it use the box ↓